Monday, March 5, 2012

From the Pages of my Journal...


9/3/11

             
               I just have been thinking today about how blessed our little family is. I told my husband yesterday, "God loves me and I don't know why!" I truly don't know- but He always find ways to show me He cares. Sometimes it is big ways, like my mother-in-law just giving us a vehicle big enough to hold our munchkins. Sometimes, it is subtle ways, through the motions of everyday and sometimes, it is even through chastisement, letting me know I am still one of His own. Jesus loves me this I know, Jesus knows me this I love.
              The Lord gave me precious times with Him while we were in Ohio last month. I know I have been burying the hurt of losing my mother for months now. I was trying to be strong for my husband and children, and in a way, I felt like it was holding me together too...but it wasn't. I was hurting more and at very random times because I would never let it out. While I was in my hometown, I went and sat at her grave and cried. I cried because I was missing her, but also, I was finally letting myself remember her again. I was finally allowing myself to hurt. It took me a year and a half to let my mom back into my heart. I am not even sure if that makes sense, but that is how it feels to me. God has been with me through all of this! He really is my sustainer and my confidant. I love Him and I want to serve Him with my whole life!

I will not work my soul to save,
For that my Lord has done,
But I will work like any slave,
For love of God's dear Son!

This was written in one of my mom's journals. I will keep it close to my heart always.
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4 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 5, 2012 at 10:30 AM

    Wonderful post, Ashley! I miss mom too.... :)

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  2. j.ashleyMarch 5, 2012 at 10:35 AM

    Love you so much!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Heather HaydenMarch 9, 2012 at 11:57 AM

    Hey Ashley...I know we haven't keep in touch much since our days at Crown together but wanted to tell you I think of you more often than you'd know. I often wondered how you (and your family) dealth with the home-going of your mom just becaues I rememeber how close you were to her and I remember those big warm hugs you'd give her with the your arms wrapped around her, eyes shut, and the biggest smile ever on your face when she'd come to visit. I'm glad to hear that your healing and the Lord is able to use the life experiences you've had to be a testimony to others. I'm thankful that I have never experienced the tradegy of losing a close family member and sometimes think is because I honestly don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that and maybe God knows that....but you...are very strong. .I can tell your a great mommy and wife, your family is blessed to have you. It was nice to get a chance to see a little bit of your life..I though your post was beautiful.

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  4. j.ashleyMarch 10, 2012 at 8:10 AM

    Thanks Heather! It is really good to hear from you. I am so happy for you, getting married and having a beautiful life! Thank you for what you said, it means a lot. I hope all is well with you! Love you!

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